Der Klecks - Nachgedacht

Der Klecks
Ich über mich
- Nachgedacht
Abi '91

Kleine Anekdoten, Witziges, Hintergründiges ...

Zum Einstand eine nette kleine Geschichte, die mir ein Freund aus Amerika schickte (Hi Stephen!). Sie ist zwar in Englisch, aber es lohnt sich, sie zu lesen! (Nebenbei kann man auch gleich wieder ein paar alte Fremdsprachenkenntnisse aufbessern. Womit mein Internet-Klecks sogar von pädagogischem Wert ist! Zwinkernder Smiley)


Subject: Mythical Performance Art: Man Caught by his Catflap
On 15 Jun 1998 at 11:42, Mark Lambert ( wrote:

I have a copy of the original article; unfortunately, I don't know the magazine it came from.

"In retrospect, I admit it was unwise to try to gain access to my house via the catflap." Gunter Burpus admitted to reporters in Bremen, Germany. "I suppose that the reason they're called cat flaps, rather than humanflaps, is because they're too small for people, and perhaps... I should have realized that."

Burpus (41), a gardener from Bremen, was relating how he had become trappedin his own front door for two days, after losing his house keys.
"I got my head and shoulders through the flap but became trapped fastaround the waist. At first, it all seemed rather amusing, I sang songs and toldmyself jokes. But then I wanted to go to the lavatory. I began shouting for help, but my head was in the hallway so my screamswere muffled.

After a few hours, a group of students approached me but, instead of helping, thy removed my trousers and pants, painted my buttocks brightblue, and stuck adaffodil between my cheeks. Then they placed a sign next to me which said 'Germany resurgent, an essay in street art. Please give generously' ... and left me there.

People were passing by and, when I asked for help, they just said: 'Very good! Very clever!' and threw coins into my trousers. No one tried to free me.

In fact, I only got free after two days because a dog started licking my private parts and an old woman complained to the police. The rescue services came and cut me out, but the police arrested me as soon as I was free.

Luckily, they've now dropped the charges, and I collected over DM 3,000 ($2,000) in my underpants, so the time wasn't entirely wasted."


Rund um den Computer

  •   "Mein Monitor ist kaputt."
    "Haben Sie ihn eingeschaltet?"
    "Halten Sie mich für blöd?"
    "Dann schalten Sie ihn erstmal aus."
    "Ja mache ich - ohh, jetzt geht er wieder.

    (Zitat ADAT 11)

  •   "Nobody will ever need more than 640k RAM!" -- Bill Gates, 1981
    "Windows 95 needs at least 8 MB RAM." -- Bill Gates, 1996
    "Nobody will ever need Windows 95." -- logical conclusion

    (seen on a mailing list)

  •   Sie müssen einen PC nicht einschalten um herauszufinden, ob Windows installiert ist. Sehen Sie einfach nach, ob die Aufschrift auf der Reset-Taste noch lesbar ist.


  •   If Bill Gates had a penny for every time Windows crashed ...
    ... oh wait, he does.


  •   Ein paar Microsoft-Schlagzeilen gefällig?

    "Microsoft gibt Fälschung von Beweis zu"
    "Microsoft-Prozeß: Noch ein gezinktes Video"
    "Microsoft gesteht Druck auf Vertragspartner"
    "Microsoft-Prozess: Noch ein manipuliertes Video"
    "Access-Unsicherheit gefährdet Homebanking"
    "Microsoft: Wieder Niederlage im Kartellrechtsprozeß"
    "Microsoft: Neue Sicherheitslücke im Internet Explorer 5.0 entdeckt"
    ... (willkürlich herausgegriffen) ...

    (heise, macnews, macgadget etc.)

  •   With Windows 95, we were on the edge of the cliff.
    With Windows 98, we made a big step forward.

    ( "SETI")

  •   The first time you'll get a Microsoft product, that doesn't suck, will be the day they start producing vacuum cleaners.


  •   A MacMarine suggested a Virus that would crash Microsoft Apps, but decided that Microsoft had already done that and had even given it a name. It is called Windows 95.
    But Windows 95 had some serious bugs which let some user actually work on their machines, that's why Microsoft finally released Windows 98.


  •   Auf Windows 95 laufen so ziemlich alle Spiele. Fuer ernsthaftes Arbeiten sollte man aber zusätzlich ein Betriebssystem installieren.




  • "I do not think that this 'transistor' can ever be worth the immense development cost that has gone into it. It cannot be mass produced and will never be able to handle more than very small signal levels."

    (Dr. Thomas James, 1949)

  • "While some see them as the crazy ones,
        we see genius.
    Because the people who are crazy enough
        to think they can change the world
    are the ones who do."


  • "Never argue with an idiot.
    They drag you down to their level,
    then beat you with experience."


  • "In Zukunft könnte es Computer geben, die weniger als 1,5 Tonnen wiegen"

    (Popular Science Magazine: 1949)

  • "Leben wär nur halb so nett,
    wenn keiner einen Vogel hätt!"

    (Katja R.)

  • "Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former."

    (Albert Einstein)

  • "Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese."

    (Steven Wright)

  • "Die Hummel wiegt 4,8 Gramm. Sie hat eine Flügelflüche von 1,45 cm2 bei einem Flächenwinkel von 6 Grad. Nach den Gesetzen der Aerodynamik kann die Hummel nicht fliegen. Aber die Hummel weiß das nicht."